The Real Housewives of The Palm

Every time I go to visit my parents in Dubai, it’s like visiting a reality TV show. They live in an apartment on the Palm Jumeriah Island, which definitely is not the most interesting part of the story. The characters you meet day to day are almost indescribable.

I like to refer to the drama and gossip that unfolds as either- PalmEnders or The Real Housewives of the Palm. 

Every week there is a new story about who had botox, who has cheated on who and the guessing the age game. Oh so bitchy but oh so much fun.

There are certain housewives, which have made an impact on me who could easily have their own reality television show with plenty of drama, diamonds and d-cups.

Meet Natalia, the Italian housewife who recently had a baby girl and looks like a supermodel. Absolutely stunning and heart pure of gold, Natalia is married to an English businessman David who clearly adores her and to be honest, who doesn’t?

For David’s birthday they rented out a yacht and invited close friends to go around the coast with views of nighttime Dubai to drink champagne. Pretty normal? Of course.

To surprise her- for his birthday- David bought her a new outfit- Oscar De La Renta dress that cost easily over £1500 and Christian Louboutin shoes which cost easily over £700. Standard night out.

Joanna is an ex airhostess who has the fairytale story. She fell in love with a pilot and now has two small children who are 5 and 8. From England, I assumed her morals would be similar to mine however, after a glass of ‘only pinot darling’ she blurts out how she managed to get her two boys into the best school in Dubai. This is the school, which is owned by the King, which has a waiting list of over 300 children, normal drink conversations of course.

Next is Danielle. Best way to describe her is pampered. Married to an older rich man, Danielle never looks like there’s a pin out of place, nails always done, eye lash extensions and eyebrows always just in place. Her husband Mark resembles the tan-tastic girls in England. He is the strangest colour of orange that you only go after using it out of a bottle due to sitting on the beach and doing nothing all day but wheeling and dealing. No one knows quite what he does and no one wants to ask either.

Finally out of the real housewives of the palm is Adriana. She is the most colourful, shall we say? And that’s putting it nicely. Adriana has two children, a boy and a girl from two different fathers (one of which is a the general manager of one of the seven star hotels in Dubai). Now in today’s day and age, that is not a problem or seen as abnormal. However, leaving your children for 6 months to go on holiday with your body builder toy boy and leaving them behind IS. As she casually sits at the pool bar, she tells everyone about her travels and how amazing her holiday was when all I wanted to do was throw my drink on her and ask where her children were when this was all happening. With her boyfriend sat next to her, it is clear she is infatuated by his looks as he is by hers. When I first met her I thought she was 26, don’t get me wrong, she is stunning but also clueless.

One character that has to be included is Stephan, the gay real estate agent who everyone happens to LOVE. Walking around the pool in his tight pink shorts, his sexuality is obvious to everyone by the way he walks, talks and carries himself. Every time he answers his phone to show someone around a house he always says after it “oh he sounded nice, maybe I’ll get a date out of this one” and in Dubai, finding the right man for a man is not the easiest thing in the world.

Finally, the last character that has to be spoken about is- The Model. We don’t give him a name because he told me three times and I didn’t understand him so asking again is just impolite, right?

But he is- B-E-A-UTIFUL. He walks out to the pool side after the gym with no top on and its literally a repeat of the old Diet Coke Advert, all the women no matter what they are doing peak around their magazines, pull their sunglasses down and watch him walk down to the beach. One thing I think all of them have in common.

Apart from that, the gossip is what interlinks them all together.

Of course, half the time, the gossip is about each other and starts with “You didn’t hear it from me” with a reply “Oh no darling, definitely not, you can trust me”

“Did you know Maggie has slept with her assistant?”

“Have you seen Stephanie’s boobs, they have definitely gone up a cup size”

“See that bump, yeah..well the baby isn’t her’s. You didn’t hear it from me”

And I thought I left high school...Until Next time.

Gossip Girl, xoxo.

Teenage Experiences

After having some experience of living in the Middle East as a teenager, I thought there would be some people out there who would want to know what I went through and perhaps maybe even what to expect.

Truth is…there is no way to predict what you’ll experience. Everyday is an adventure.

I moved to Saudi Arabia when I was 9 but I was a child so didn’t get to experience the teenage life until I moved to Bahrain 3 years later.

Bahrain is a small island just off of Saudi, which still owns a piece of my heart today.

Piece of advice, when you move to a different country, ALWAYS go with an open mind. Never go with ideas of how you think it will look like or how you think people will be. 99% of the time, you’ll be wrong.

Obviously the main reason we moved to Bahrain was because of my dad’s job however, I still to this day believe it was so my parents could drink legally and we could finally buy ham and pork in the supermarkets…no matter how much they deny it.

When not allowed for so long: Walkers smoky bacon crisps= Heaven.

I thought being in a Muslim country would mean that as a teenager, I wouldn’t experience the ‘real teenage life’ such as going to a field and getting rat arsed, sneaking out of the house to meet in a park for no reason and walking around town aimlessly just because I could. However, like I said before, I was wrong.

Its true, I didn’t meet in a park, walk around town or go to field because lets be honest here, they don’t really have any of those things in Bahrain.  So we had to compromise.

When living in the Middle East, you either live in your own private house/villa or in a compound. A compound consists of several villas in one gated area with usually a community swimming pool, tennis courts and a small play park for very small children. 

In these certain areas, you can walk around and some compounds can be quite big however, friends always seem to live in a different one to you, which is never a small walk away.

Another tip: In a majority of the Middle East, you can’t just walk around the streets- it is definitely not like England. Most of the roads are made simply on sand waste grounds and if you need to get to somewhere, you have to get a lift- everywhere. Hence my mum jokingly calling herself a taxi (which she kind of was).

So, back to what I was saying before without all the rambling,

We had to compromise where our ‘teenage experiences’ took place. A large group of us all wanted to try alcohol and get drunk just because it was the cool thing to do and word got around school that a Thai restaurant in Saar would serve anyone as long as they had money. So instead of a park or field, we had a Thai restaurant with all foreign waiters serving us vodka, gin, wine- whatever we wanted.

Now at the age of 15, we all thought we were badass. Going out on the weekends drinking and smoking indoors- sounds pretty familiar to the life in the UK.

In Bahrain, there was only one main mall- Seef Mall that everyone went to. A place where you were guaranteed to bump into people you knew.  Seef Mall was where all the kids used to go to walk around aimlessly for hours and go to cinema (rarely) and use the arcade games. A majority of the time, it consisted of me and my friends walking in circles with much older guys dressed like the rapper Nelly with a plaster on their faces giving us their numbers. None of which we ever called and definitely not healthy that I think of it now.

Teenage life consisted of school, going out to sheesha cafes, drinking, shopping and chilling by the pool.

I remember my first time going to my now best friends house. My mum dropped me off and the house was HUGE. Private house with gates, a swimming pool, massive garden right next to the beach. I sat there thinking I was poor.

Next thing I knew a women walked up to me and asked if I wanted a drink, I politely said “yes, please” and got a drink- pretty standard really. Next thing I knew, people were ordering her around to do things and I couldn’t understand why. Then it clicked. MAID? Who actually has maids? I asked my best friend who casually replied “yeah, but only one”

ONLY?

Next thing she casually says, “we have a driver too, its not a big deal” I nearly fainted. Driver? Is that even normal? Apparently it is very normal for people to have a driver. I went home so pleased that if it was normal then it meant I could have one, I asked my parents who looked at me laughed and turned around.

Take that as a no then?

I heard it was pretty standard in Bahrain.